jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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