I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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