there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
