Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
