Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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