Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
