your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
