if you like me you must not know who I am
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
