M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
