And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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