This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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