I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
