I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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