plz talk dirty to me
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
