let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
