we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
