Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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