i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
