I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
