Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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