Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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