You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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