I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
