I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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