I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
