we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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