I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
