It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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