Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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