The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
