I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
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You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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