So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
