Well douche your snatch and let's go!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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