Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
