I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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