this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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