people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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