Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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