I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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