As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You ruined the universe
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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