The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize