what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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