Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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