i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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