Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
