You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.