i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
