i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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