He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
