If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You took a bar mat shot.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize