I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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