and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
