I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
