If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
