I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Randomize
