Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
