she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
