I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
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you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
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There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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