it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
