the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
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