Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
