the condom got lost in my hair
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
When are your genitals available?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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