your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
