I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
